After 11 days

 its already 11 days, of semester break for my 2nd year part . if you ask me what exactly the real feeling i had during this semester ? CHAOS. TIRED and i hope someday when i remember this good old days, i shall know that i am strong despite all those heartbreaks i face throughout the semester 

lemme just summarize all of em:

• i have mix feelings towards sloth, do i love him ? did he really love me ? despite of who i am, this clingyhead, always sick-ass, a very stubborn and attention seeker, and knowing his status is not easy ;(
• unfortunately, things get worse when his bunch of friends said he change because all the time he had was with me, well i do not deny it but somehow i think he still cope with dividing his time, juggling with works, load of works, time with me, friends and family. 
• but it turn out well after that, and suddenly poof, my ex just turns out into some psychopath which we always seen in a movie, i've been stalked for months oh idiot, how can i not notice that. i do not fully blame him, it was me who giving up, it was me whom is too fragile, to have doubts on him on us and building a feelings on others. life is full of surprises. they said that, do not think, do not burden yourself, have faith and good things will happen someday, but to have faith is not as easy as it says. but Allah knows best. Oh tak cukup dengan itu, apparently my ex contacted with Sloth's EX. lolololol do you see how big is the problem ? bermatian i rasa bersalah, thousands of times i try to back off, knowing i dont deserve that place but yeah aturan Dia lebih baik. what i had today, i just hope it stays, dan kalaupun bukan dia jodohnya, or maybe he turning back, maybe i had a lot more good things to do ahead.
• yeah, i finally knew what is "drama rumah sewa". LOL bila fikir balik macam kelakar? kelakar sebab aku koyak dengan all those petty pathetic things? tapi yelah we cannot mass our feelings. when we get hurt, sometimes its okay to feel that hurt, instaed of kau terus tipu diri kau yang " oh im fine, aku okay, aku okay" padahal hampeh, i harap next sem dan yang akan datang tkde dahlah drama drama tu ;') penat. ingatkan makin tua hati makin kental, lah makin hati kecik makin rapuh.
• you want me to talk about study ? mashaAllah aku mampu tau mengucap panjang hahaha, walaupun dah beribu yang cakap degree is tough, yes barulah merasa toughnya degree. ni sem depan, we hope for the best and prepared for the worst, may i pass with Flying Colors ;'))  insha Allah Amin <3
• and harini nangis, sebab penat lah dah empat hari termotivasi tk makan malam, harini aku tidur petang tau jadinya, bangun tu biasalah rasa menyesal, rasa bodoh, rasa hampa hahaha segala negative kuasa lima dalam diri, ah tulah solat ke maana masa apa semua tunggang langgang lah hidup kau asielanur.  and smlm dh  elok berapa hari tk makan malam, sekali NAHH hm harini bangun pergi cilok koay teow lel, memang tk ditakdirkan untuk kurus ke apa eh >??

 The problem with myself is, aku tk sabar padahal dah bepuluh tiktok tau aku tgk, aku tgk, makan masa months to years untuk terus lose weight, kau ingt dua minggu je dah boleh kurus ke ? mimpi sajalah labu. 

Sekarang sloth is busy, aku terasa je petang td, dia facetime baru ckp dua patah "alamak afham dh sampai?" okaylah maybe im just filling your free time kan LOL nasib aku kt KL kalau kt BP koyak weh koyak, benda baik pun dia busy tu, but macam harini, atleast reply to my ws, atleast say something. ntahlah biarlah nak, you can do so much things rather than waiting for him to text you, nanti nk tidur die call lah tu. haha im fine ;')) dan semoga sales dia terus menaik, and his hardwork paidoff <3, im so scared, i cant afford to lose him. hm but most of all i dont want to lose myself for the hundred times

enough for heartbreak, semoga Allah tunjuk jalan.