embrace

 so lets just mark the end of the day by numbering, easier and faster lol 😝😝

today is one of the day that i really cherish,

1. you know why ? the day that I actually come to sense, more like rationality i was like checking all my work like wtf ? so many datelines, but after all stupid me always repeating the same mistake i did for the past semesters and keep hoping everything will be fine, pathetic me but guys inshaAllah everything will be fine huhu 
2. i am so afraid to check my weight, because i think my body is getting bigger, my waist :(, my flat stomach hm, my face are breaking out so bad. like really bad, literally I do not have courage to go out with bare face, especially with sloth being all dress up each time seeing me, like almost everytime. lemah betul kalau dia cakap pakai streetwear, aku selalu gila usha ig @ftnshc. i always dream of wearing that bigger pants, the cargo pants, with big shirts, God who knows me know how i love to dress up, but my enthusiasm wont go all way for only fashion if its not comfortable. Idk i always said wanna kurus but no action, thats why i always said to sloth now, i dh berisi, ive resisted to say nk kurus, because at the moment all that important is my study, my project yg tertunggak, and thats the only urgent matters.
3. my feelings, my relationship have gone way better now, i really hope it will continue to be okay,I just love the way we can still cope with everything, i am beyond happy each time he asked me out, asking me to siap, just a bit of hm idk still insecure that im slightly bigger, especially my thighs, i appreciate our little moment, walaupun cuma makan kat melewar at night becuase you insist to makan with me walaupun you tahu i busy ;') 
4. i harap jalan dia dipermudahkan, untuk tolong diri sendiri yang kuat shopping tu haha, untuk kereta kesayangan tu terus berjalan tanpa sebarang masalah, kereta kesayangan i jugak haha cik kenari ofc semoga kerjaya you semakin berkembang, i tk kisah pun you kerja jauh, walaupun i cuma takut, yknow how bad is our past relationship handling with LDR, tapi yang lepas lepas lah kan. chase your dream haikal, kalau pun nanti pengakhirannya bukan kita di mana mana, i hope you succeed well, be the bestest son and brother to your whole family. go out of your comfort zone ;)
5. harapan terbesar untuk diri i adalah, semoga i terus kuat lawan nafsu sendiri, untuk buang godaan dan solat, solat dan solat, this world almost comes to its end, dengan all this disaster happened around us, banjir, covid, etc. ntah sempat tak untuk hidup ke hari tua.semoga sempat untuk hantar ibu ayah ke umrah, sempat untuk menjadi seorang anak yang membahgiakan, sempat bertaubat sebagai seorang hamba, sebab hidup ni sebenarnya kan tujuannya satu je. untuk Allah SWT, kita je yang terus lalai. 

you want to know why, each time you cakap ke belakang sikit ke depan sikit, i ckp ok ok jangan marah,  padahal i tahu je you tak marah. actually IM NERVOUS, even this sound really ridiculous sebab you akan cakap, i je pun HAHA, idk why somehow still segan dengan you, stupid kan, tapi memang i segan, that is the major reason. 

yes i prefer a selfie with you, because it is damn hard to be confidence and lookin good beside you, with this chubby face, chubby thighs. 

i am still in denial which i feel am i really enough ? padahal aku selalu brag be you for you. LOL sebenarnya ayat tu untuk diri aku, because all this years, i always get cheated, the man whom i love keep cheating with other slut whom skinny yknow all this "wawazainal" body kinda of.  they got the straight nose i dont have. insecurity is real people. each time i got complimented, cantiknya you dia punya terharu another level, lagi lagi kalau depan depan, rasa nk lari 100 metre hahahah, I REALLY HOPE SOON i BETUL BETUL ADA BIG WHY TO BE IN BETTER SHAPPE AND BETTER ME INSIDE OUT, beauty with brain i meant.

a better me dunia akhirat 

2021 resolution: lose weight at least 4 kg, pandai edit video, sebab banyak je video aku record aku bebel tp tk pandai nak edit hm ;') plus i think my life is not intresting enough untuk orang tengok.